Randomness
by C. V. Spike
Summary: This is weird. Mainly FMA based, some random cameos and the such. If you like randomness... well... you'll like Randomness! XD
1. Chapter 1

It was a hot day. Like, really hot. And like, the fan was like, broken. It was knocked over by a random fangirl. But that wasn't the point.

Because there wasn't a point.

Edward: -surfing the internet- It's hot as hell…

Alphonse: Please tell me you aren't referring to the yaois with you and Roy?

Edward: ALRIGHT! FOR THE LAST, FUCKING TIME, I'M STRAIGHT. ROY IS MY ENEMY, I'M NOT IN HOMOSEXUAL LOVE WITH HIM! DAMN STRAIGHT!

Alphonse: Right on, brother!

C.V. Spike: Yeah, so they're really out of character… but you shouldn't care. If you do, go away…

Edward: -continues surfing- WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS, NOW?

Havoc: -randomly walks up- Err… not me…

Winry: -suddenly appears as well- WHAT? ED, THAT'S NOT REALLY A PICTURE OF YOU, IS IT?

-Tristin of Yugioh suddenly appears-

Tristin: MWAHAHAHAHA! –stabs Winry through the heart with his pointy hair and she collapses and dies-

Edward: 0.0

Alphonse: 0.0

Havoc:

Tristin: -disappears through a space-time continuum that randomly appeared on a chair-

Edward: Damn it!

Havoc: Umm… okay. I'm not really that sad.

Edward: Yeah, I know, but… now who the hell is going to fix my arm!

Havoc: Oh, don't worry, we'll figure something out when it's necessary…

Alphonse: -watches as the necrophiliac Seymour from FFX drags off Winry's corpse- Eew…

Edward: -throws a random container of bleach on the bloodstain-

Kefka: -sets a wall on fire and it collapses, revealing him- MWAHAHAHA! BOW DOWN TO MY FEET, BITCHES!

Edward: But I'm comfy.

Havoc: And I've got this thing about bowing down to the feet of clowns.

Kefka: Well, then… MWAHAHAHA! SLUSHIES!

-the office is randomly turned into a 7-11-

Edward: What the hell? Why are we in a gas station store?

-Billie Joe randomly walks by, singing "At the center of the earth, in the parking lot, of the 7-11 where I was taught…"-

Kefka: OMG LIKE BILLIE JOE YOU'RE MY HERO!

Billie Joe: So does that mean you'll buy me a free slushie?

Kefka: HELL YES! –buys Billie Joe a slushie-

Billie Joe: Yeah… bye now… -continues singing the song-

-The FMA characters just watch and stare-

Roy: Need a hand, Fullmetal?

Edward: WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM?

Roy: I was in the bathroom. Sorry if I'm late. Anyway, it seems you are in distress. As usual, you can't take care of yourself, can you now?

Edward: FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK! –transmutes a blunt metal object and tosses it at Roy's head- DIE DIE DIE!  
-out of nowhere a herd of stampeding elephants and a three-toed sloth trample Roy-Kefka: ( They knocked over a slushie machine!

Havoc: -standing by slushie machines- Don't worry, it was just the Dr. Pepper machine.

Kefka: SWEET!

Edward: No one cares about Dr. Pepper anyway.

Alphonse: But I wanted some Dr. Pepper (

Kefka: TOO BAD! –sips an orange soda slushie-

C.V. Spike- Like give me a damn Mountain Dew slushie while you're there…

Kefka: -hands C.V. a MD slushie-

C.V.: Thanks, doll…

Kefka: No problem… but you should get back to the story…

C.V.- As I was saying…

A Random Bunch Of Fangirls: OMG LIKE IT'S FUCKING KEFKA HE'S SO HOT AND SEXY!

Kefka: LIKE IT'S MY FANS! –runs off to join fans-

Havoc: (How the hell did he get fangirls?)

C.V.: (Parallel universe so Kefka gets higher self-esteem)

Havoc: (Oh.)

-FMA crew is left alone in the slightly destroyed 7-11-

Havoc- I guess this means the Mountain Dew slushies are free?

?-THE MOUNTAIN DEW SLUSHIES ARE MINE BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO, DAMN IT!

Edward: Who the hell is '?'

C.V.- Just a minute, I'm still deciding!

Alphonse: Well hurry up, won't you? We're cliffhanging.

C.V.- Oh! Here you go!

?KNIVES!

KNIVES: I DEMAND YOU HAND OVER THE SLUSHIES, PRONTO! OR ELSE! –KNIVES crashes through the remnants of the ceiling, BECAUSE I SAID SO, DAMN IT, and as he does so some other stupid annoying bitches like Tifa and Rinoa and Quistis and Sara Mudo from Angel Sanctuary DIE because they're crushed by the wreckage and the utter awesomeness of KNIVES-

Havoc: -somehow managing to sip a Mountain Dew and smoke a cigarette at the same time- Or else what?

KNIVES: -stops and debates with himself- Hmm… Nyah… No… AHAH! I SHALL MAKE YAOIS OF ALL OF YOU! AND POST THEM ON THE WORLDWIDE WEB!

Edward: That's not so bad… there's tons anyway…

KNIVES: Oh really now? Well, I'll put you, Havoc, with Envy, and Alphonse, you can go with Greed, and, Edward…

Edward: What? --

-dramatic pause-

KNIVES: You get stuck with Tristin from Yugioh! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Edward: No! Anything but the people with giant-ass hair and eyes from Yugioh! –faints-

KNIVES: MWAHAHAHAHA!

Havoc- Hmm… at least Envy could be a chick… -debates about giving up slushies-

Vash: -dressed in ultra hippie garb- Like, love and peace, dudes.

KNIVES: How did you get here? And why is C.V. Spike hippie-tizing you?

Vash: Hell should I know… but, like, leave the slushies in peace, man. It's all in your head…

KNIVES: All in my head…

Vash: All in your head…

-things start to calm down-

-all of a sudden KNIVES is knocked off the ceiling and killed by a head-on collision with a Cherry Pepsi slushie machine, and is replaced by the badass Michael from Angel Sanctuary-

Michael: HELL YES! I WIN!

Alphonse: What were we playing?

Michael: PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY! But that is irrelevant. I win. –blows up the lying people who pretend to see spirits on haunted shows- PISS ME OFF, DAMN IT!

Edward: That was random 00

Michael: MWAHAHAHAHA! –randomly disappears because C.V. Spike hasn't really reached him in her Angel Sanctuary mangas but wanted him to appear because she likes his hair-

C.V.- Myesh…

Vash: Dude…

Alphonse & Edward: What?

Havoc: Like… Stupid KNIVES got blood splat in the Mountain Dew slushie machine…

Vash: Like… my brother is stuck in the Cherry Pepsi slushie machine…

Edward: Let's leave, shall we?

Havoc: Hmmmmyeah… -FMA crew scuttles away from 7-11-

C.V. Spike- Huzzah! My first fanfic to appear on Did you like it?

Edward: I bet you they didn't. That was pretty crappy, you know.

C.V.- (

Kefka: I liked it!

C.V.- Anyway… please review it! I would love it if you would D It'll keep me writing… or not XD By the way, I'm sorry for the lack of any real plot or seriousness, but… I needed to do this, sorry… XP


	2. Chapter 2

Randomness

CHAPTER 2!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the peoples, la de da de da… I got so many good reviews on the first one, that I simply had to make a chapter 2… plus someone asked for a chapter 2, and since I'm nice of course I make one I just hope it's as good as the last one…

Edward: -is surfing the 'net again- -frowns-

Alphonse: What is it, brother?

Edward: Am to straighter than a circle…

Havoc: You wish…

Edward: What did you say? --

Havoc: Umm… nothing… I said, Roy wishes to see you…

Edward: That's not what it sounded like…

Havoc: Go see Roy!

Edward: -sigh- Only because I have to…

-Edward walks to Roy's office and knocks on door-

Roy: Come on in, Fullmetal.

-Edward opens the door and walks in-

-Roy EXPLODES-  
-Kuja suddenly appears-

Kuja: Someone obviously doesn't like Roy Mustang…

C. V.: Shut up… I just don't like how most people like him better than Havoc… waves Havoc banner

Kuja: Well, of course, everyone loves Havoc. He's just so much awesomer than Roy.

C. V.: I know, right? I should start a fan club…

Edward: Get back to the parody, damn it!

C. V.: Well fine then… -- Anyway, Kuja got eaten by a buffalo, and all of a sudden Kefka appeared again! Yay Kefka!

Kefka: Why am I here?

Edward: Because C. V. Spike thinks your face paint is sexy.

C. V.: No comment…

-the place transforms into C. V. Spike's basement-

Edward: Damn it, Kefka… whenever you pop up, something transforms into something else…

Kefka: Does that mean you didn't like the slushies?

Edward: …Okay, so the 7-11 wasn't a bad thing, but now we're in C. V.'s basement! Who knows what goes on here?

-Havoc gets up from behind the green couch-

Havoc: Bad bass playing, stupid fanfictions, and stunning renditions of 'Old McDonald Had a Farm'.

Edward: Oh.

C. V.: But I'm a good bass player…

-a corner of the basement explodes-

-the foggishness of explosion disappears, revealing… Michael!-

Michael: Mwahahaha! I am Michael!

Edward: We know -- You were in the last fanfiction…

Michael: Yes, but… 0.0 What's that? -points to a jar on a desk near a computer with something pinkish and floaty in it-

Kefka: Uwee! It's C. V.'s brain! -hops over to it-

Havoc: Hmm… -pokes it with a cigarette-

C. V.: n hr8,gcds4g5drskefka,.de.9…

Michael: -pokepokepoke- That's interesting...

Edward: Kinda sorta... –has refrained from touching the brain-

Michael: Mwahahaha! –explodes Kefka-

C. V.: I eat a sammich… -eats a sammich- 'Kay I'm good now… anyways, where was I? Oh, yeah… Kefka exploded… cool…

-Michael disappears again because C. V. STILL hasn't gotten a manga with him in it…-

-Sephiroth appears, drinking a martini glass-

Sephiroth: Umm… hi…

Edward: Who are you? --

Sephiroth: Mmmmfffmm… Joe…

Havoc: Hi Joe.

Edward: Where did Alphonse go? 0.o

Alphonse –from a distant corner in the basement-: Ayaaaah!

Edward: Al! –quickly runs to the source of the scream- OMG!1!11!1

-Alphonse is cornered by a gigantic orange spider-

Edward: Eat lead, spider! –transmutes a garden ornament that was just lying on the ground into a gun, and fires bullets at the spider-

-the spider eats the bullets because Ed told it to-

Edward: 0.0 That wasn't what I was expecting…

Sephiroth: Oi! Leave C. V.'s pet alone! Kaleidoscope, get over here!

-the spider scurries off to Sephiroth and gnaws on his sword-

Havoc: C. V. has a spider? --

Sephiroth: His name is Kaleidoscope

C. V.: He is guarded by Velociraptors

Alphonse: Then… uh-oh… where are the Velociraptors?

C. V.: Coffee break! Don't worry!

Alphonse: Oh.

-the basement explodes, and turns into the office again-

Edward: Alright. Maybe I could cut you some slack on the other fanfiction, but this was just a waste of time. It wasn't even funny --

C. V.: Who said it's over?

Edward: Well, we're back in my office…

-Billie Joe walks by, singing, 'It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right… I hope you have the time of your life…'-

Havoc: That's great, but… what about Joe?

Sephiroth: -sips from martini glass- Umm…

-Havoc pokes Sephiroth and he explodes-

Havoc: Alright. Now everything's back to normal.

Edward: Cool.

C. V.: THE END!

Please review it. Even if you just thought it was stupid, I want to know what you think… I know it's not as good as the first one, how could it be? But still… keep on reviewing, and maybe I'll write something better when I'm feeling a bit more inspired


	3. Chapter 3

Randomness

CHAPTER 3!

Disclaimer & Author's Notes: I don't own any of the characters- short and to the point! I would like to say thank you to everyone who has reviewed the last two chapters of this work. When I put up the first chapter of Randomness, I originally intended for it to be just that- one chapter. But, thanks to the reviews of everyone saying how lovely my stupidity is, you've kept me writing.

Let's just see how long _that _lasts…

On my own, here we go… (A lyric from Brain Stew by Green Day)

It was a hot day again, and Edward was-

Edward: I refuse to be surfing the internet. You _always _have me surfing the internet, I always see something I don't like, then random people start popping up, and then comes Kefka, and then the room transforms, and…

Havoc: You're ruining C. V.'s traditional startup… --

Edward: Well… meh…

Alphonse: Well, this is Randomness, therefore…

: Mwahahahahahaha!

Edward: Oh, great… -anime sweatdrop

Havoc: -wonders who '?' is this time-

?-Kefka!

Edward: Nonononono, not Kefka! Anyone but Kefka!

Kefka: But Kuja got eaten by a buffalo… you weren't paying attention? 0.o

Havoc: And I exploded Joe…

Edward: But… Michael exploded you! You ought to be gone, dead dead dead!

Kefka: I'm not quite though… I guess my awesome awesomeness kept me from death… -egotistical grin-

-Rikku suddenly appears-

Rikku: -in an ecstatic, much too loud voice- HEY GUYS! HOW ARE YOU DOING?

Edward: 0.0

Alphonse: …

Havoc: #.#

Kefka: … Hey, C. V., is there an 'I'm gonna murder you as fast as I can just so I don't have to deal with you' face?

Edward: No! No murdering in my office! I already had to bleach the carpet where that Yugioh freak impaled Winry…

Havoc: I get the feeling you really shouldn't have said that…

-the office transforms into a McDonalds-

Edward: Ugh. McDonalds. The greasy fast food place. –looks down- What the? –realizes he's wearing a McDonalds employee uniform-

Havoc: Wow. This transformation of room thing just expanded…

Kefka: I don't know how this happened. Seriously 0.o

Edward: What the fuck? You haven't changed at all! Why aren't you in a stupid uniform?

Kefka: -smirk- I must be Ronald McDonald!

Havoc: Mmmmmmeeehhhh… -sinks behind Alphonse-

Edward: -points and laughs at Alphonse- You look funny in your uniform…

Alphonse: But don't you scare little children?

Kefka: -frown- Why would anyone be afraid of me?

-Kefka runs up to a little child to ask if they are frightened of him- the kid faints-  
Kefka: That was extremely unexciting…

Edward: Why is Havoc hiding behind Alphonse? 0.o

Havoc: -in a screechy voice- I have… a phobia of clowns…

Alphonse: But Kefka's been here the whole time!

Kefka: Ahem! I'm not a clown, mind you! I'm a mass murdering, psychopathic Final Fantasy villain, thank you very much… there's quite a difference…

Havoc: Myyess. What he said.

Kefka: -nodnod-

: Ahem!

-Everyone turns to face the speaker-

: Are you going to take my order or not?

Edward: Shit… we're the only ones working here, aren't we?

Havoc: I don't wanna… --

Edward: Nah, wait! We can work, just for now… and then nab all the money

Havoc: Good idea!

: HURRY UP AND TAKE MY ORDER ALREADY!

?-Eiko!

Alphonse: Hello, little girl! What would you like?

Eiko: I'd like a Cheeseburger Happy Meal, with a small salmon milkshake :)

Alphonse: Coming right up!

Edward: I'll get the… umm… frozen ground up fish thing…

Kefka: And I'll get the cheeseburger!

Havoc: And… umm… I'll watch… because it's fun…

-Ed gets the milkshake and hands it to the little girl-

Alphonse: The rest ought to be ready in a moment…

-waiting-

-waiting-

-waiting-…

-behind the scenes-  
Kefka: Mwee, this is more fun than with those paper towel wads at school!

Havoc: I bet you can't get ten up there without the rest falling down.

Kefka: Really now, do you? –is flipping cheeseburgers into the air and getting them stuck on the ceiling tiles- Uweehee… McDonalds cheese works better than glue…

Edward: WHAT THE HELL IS TAKING SO LONG?

Kefka: Hmmm… one more… -throws up another cheeseburger- -the roof EXPLODES!-

Havoc: I was just waiting for that…

: Mwahahahahaha! I have come to steal all of the cheese!

Kefka: Why would anyone want the yellow glue? 0.o

: Mwahahahahaha! …because I like cheese… obviously…

?-Lucifer!

Kefka: The great ruler of Hell has come above ground to… steal cheese...? --

Edward: -finally walking back due to the loud noise- What's going on? –looks at Lucifer- Oh, shit…

Alphonse: Brother, what's wrong? –rushes back-

Lucifer: Mwaha! I shall crush all of you that stand in my way of my lovely, yellow pastries…

Kefka: Cheese isn't a pastry…

Lucifer: Yes, but, you see, C.V. really wanted to type the word 'pastries'…

Havoc: Well, you should have said so immediately. I mean, it's quite understandable.

Lucifer: Myes, well…

Eiko: It's okay, I'll save you! I'm a summoner! –does a freaky dance and plays her flutish thing- -some of the ground rises and a wolflike beast appears- -yes, it's Fenrir-  
Fenrir: -just stands there-

Eiko: Gogogo! You're supposed to attack!

Fenrir: -- Shut up, squeeb. I don't feel like it anymore. My counselor told me to cut down on the killing, she says it's a positive change and I shouldn't be afraid to show my true compassion for humanity.

Eiko: What the fuck! Killhimkillhimkillhim!

Lucifer: -just watching- Okiez then…

Fenrir: I don't want to…

Eiko: Do it, damn it, or I'll tell all the other aeons you're a sissy!

Fenrir: -- -all of a sudden Eiko and Lucifer both explode-

Edward: That was slightly amusing.

Havoc: No it wasn't. That was stupid.

Kefka: Firefirefire! –does the happy explosion dance- -AND EXPLODES!-

Edward: Cool! He exploded again!

Alphonse: What about Fenrir?

Fenrir: Yeah… well… I'm off to follow my heart's true path. For the only way to succeed in life is to follow your heart, the gift of love and life. Farewell, my friends…

Edward: Bye then!

Havoc: Yeah… like…bye…

Alphonse: Bye bye Mr. Wolfish Monster Thing!

-Fenrir EXPLODES!-

Edward: Well, that was a perfectly good waste of time and enthusiasm…

-McDonalds transforms back into the office-

-Rikku is still there-

Rikku: HEY GUYS LIKE HOW ARE YOU NOW?

Havoc: Lemme try this again… -pokes Rikku REALLY hard-  
-Rikku EXPLODES-

Alphonse & Edward: YAY!

Havoc: For some reason I have the strange urge to do the Mexican Hat Dance 0.o

C.V.: Well… I'm sorry for wasting your time with that idiocy… but you know, you _did _ask for it… well… that's all folks! Review, I wanna know just how pissed you are I wasted your time, you betcha!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer & Thanks: _I don't own any of these characters. All belong to whoever they belong to, most of them to Square-Enix…_

_I would like to say thanks to everyone who has reviewed, and everyone who's kept reading. I personally didn't like the last chapter to this, so if you're still reading, YAY!_

–_huggleglomptackles you- Myessss…_

_Are you ready?_

RANDOMNESS: CHAPTER 4! (I think…)

Ed: Yeah. It's chapter 4.

C.V.: Oh, okiez. Thanks.

Anyway… It was a surprisingly normal day. Ed had finally decided to transmute the wall that Kefka burned down in the first chapter back to normal so he could have an office with four walls again, Roy hadn't been killed in some strange manner, and Kefka was yet to appear. Life was going well.

Al: Isn't this a bit too… normal?

Ed: You're right, it is kind of suspicious…

-Havoc pops out of a file cabinet-

Ed: 0.0

Havoc: What? It's a commonplace skill…

Ed: Whatever… -.-

Havoc: Umm… Hughes would like to see you…

Ed: Oh, okay…

-C.V. Spike refuses to acknowledge Hughes's death-

-Ed walks to Hughes office-

Hughes: EDWARD!

Ed: Umm… yeah… that's me….

Hughes: I've got an important mission for you.

Ed: What would that be?

Hughes: I need you to retrieve me some Cheeto Poofies.

Ed: Cheeto Poofies? 0.o

Hughes: Myes. Cheeto Poofies. I love Cheeto Poofies.

Ed: This is barely able to be considered a mission, Hughes…

Hughes: Mmffffmmfmf CHEETO POOFIES!

Ed: ALRIGHT! CHEETO POOFIES! ... Wait… Why can't you get your own Cheeto Poofies?

Hughes: -sad face- The 7-11 where I used to get them went a splode.

Ed: -shifty eyes- I have no idea what you're talking about…

Hughes: Anyway… now you must journey to the far land of Nibleheim to get Cheeto Poofies.

Ed: But that's, like, far away…

Hughes: CHEETO POOFIES!

Ed: FINEFINEFINE! CHEETO FRIKKEN POOFIES! Gyah!

Hughes: Myes. Cheeto Poofies. I trust you, Elric! But before you go…

Ed: Hmmnyah?

Hughes: -suffocates Ed with pictures of his daughter- -revives Ed with a Charm of Renewal-

Hughes: NOW GO GET CHEETO POOFIES!

Ed: -afraid of being killed by more pictures- YESSIR!

Edward returned to his office, to grab his brother so they could start this journey to get Cheeto Poofies.

Ed: Alphonse! We've gotta go on an escapade. Let's go.

Alphonse: Can Mr. Havoc come too?

Havoc: -playing on the internet- I'm playing on the internet…

-the computer explodes-

Havoc: I did not do it…

Ed: Let's flippin get goin…

And so the threesome went, off on their quest to the city of Nibleheim to retrieve Cheeto Poofies. Yes, Havoc came too, because now that the computer a sploded he was bored.

Al: Wait, where are we going?

Ed: Nibleheim.

Al: How do we get there?

Ed: I dunno… the train? The train can take you everywhere, can't it?

Havoc: I don't think the train takes you to Nibleheim… well, not the normal train, anyway…

Ed: Then what?

Havoc: -in creepy voice- THE L!

Ed: NO! NOT THE L!

Havoc: THE L!

Ed: But no one's safe on the L at night!

Havoc: I KNOW!

Al: Then why don't we go during the day?

Ed: Oh. Yeah.

Havoc: …-prods Alphonse- You ruined my story…

So the FMA crew went to the L station. They had to wait in a super long line, which Ed normally would've decimated, but he didn't because he didn't want to attract attention and therefore be suffocated by fangirls.

When they finally reached the front of the line, they were face-to-face with… dundundun… Sephiroth!

Havoc: Hey, it's Joe! I thought I a sploded him…

Sephiroth: -ignoring Havoc's comment- How many tickets, and where to?

Ed: 3 tickets to Nibleheim.

Sephiroth: That'll be a kabujillion dollars.

Ed: WHA?

Sephiroth: A kabujillion dollars.

Ed: But I don't have… -a kabujillion dollars suddenly lands on the tip of that tiny little part of Ed's hair that sticks up because the authoress said so-

Ed: Ah… Nevermind… -hands Sephiroth the kabujillion dollars-  
Al: LET US BOARD THE L!

C.V. Spike: That's all I've got for now. I was trying to make it more of a story, really… please tell me what you think! Reviewreviewreview! I wanna know if you want me to continue the story so it's more like a story, or if you want me to make it just broken apart like it was before… do tell!


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer & Notages: Okiez. The disclaimer is same as before. Ya really don't get the message, go back and chapter and read… I'd like to say thanks to all reviewees, indeed. I've come up with a solution for the story/broken up thing, I just need to finish up with the rest of the stuff from last time… yarr… Here we go…_

Randomness- Chapter 5!

So, amid the random breakdancing of several Dance Dance Revolution characters and the Chicken Dancing (this was put in for Rots) of Kimblee, who was also going to be boarding the L that day, our crew… uh… boarded the L.

Ed: What's with all the dancing? -.-

Havoc: Not a clue…

As more people boarded the L (which there weren't _too _many people since the fare was a kabujillion dollars), an announcement was heard.

The L Conductor Dude: Like, hurry up and board the frikken L. We're off schedule, we need to get moving.

And so other people hurried their asses up and boarded the L. Kimblee sat next to Ed. He kept bopping his head side to side to the beat of the Chicken Dance.

Kimblee: Why aren't you dancing, Elrics? And… Havoc?

Ed: Why should we?

Havoc: I don't dance…

Al: …?

Kimblee: -snicker- -smirk- Heheh… oh, never mind.

Ed: … -.-

Havoc: #.#

Al: (This doesn't sound good…)

-doors on the L shut-

The L Conductor Dude: Uh… thanks for boarding the L today. We're headed to Nibleheim, which as you all know is in the mountains… so… don't be surprised to encounter any bumpy terrain… so it doesn't interrupt you…

Ed: What does he mean, so it doesn't interrupt you?

Kimblee: -smirksmirk-

Havoc: FFfmmmffmmmstopsmirkingyoucreepmeout…

The L Conductor: Well… since it is official Dance Dance Revolution Celebration Day, let the music begin!

Ed: Official Dance Dance Revolution Celebration Day? What the hell?

Havoc: How did we not know about this? -.-

Al: Oh no… when Kefka burned down the wall…

Ed: He burned the calendar… -.-

Havoc: Shitz, man... and… hey! Since when was there and official Dance Dance Revolution Celebration Day?

Kimblee: You know, the authoress thinks DDR is spifftastic… of course she made a celebration day for it!

-before any more talking can be done, a loud shot of music is heard from the speakers-

_When I dance they call me macarena  
and the boys they say that I´m buena  
they all want me, they can´t have me  
So they all come and dance beside me  
move with me jam with me_

Ed: Nonono… not the Macarena! I failed this part of dance class!

Havoc: -. What about dance class, now?

Ed: Err, nothing…

L Conductor Dude: And, as you know, official L rules for official Dance Dance Revolution Celebration Day state that anyone not dancing shall be ejected from the L… with a catapult…

Al: WHAT? I can't do this, brother, I'm a giant suit of armor! I'm clumsier than a potatoe!

Havoc: A potatoe? -.-

Kimblee: -doing the Macarena dance moves- I love this song… -glares at the non-dancing Ed, Havoc, and Alphonse- Better dance, you know… they're gonna check…

Ed: -attempts Macarena- I suck at this…

Al: -randomly hitting people while trying to dance- Sorry, sorry!

Havoc: -smoking and dancing-

Ed: -glaring at Havoc- You're really good at this… why?

Havoc: The authoress thinks I'm wonderful, remember?

Ed: Mfftpfft…

-a door at the end of the section of the L they are on opens, revealing… dundundun… Albel Nox! (If you don't know who this is, google search him, he's pretty XD)

Albel: -has a whistle hanging out of his mouth- Good, good… everyone's dancing… -glares at Al- Uh… actually, I'd prefer it if you didn't dance, Mr. Dude in a Metal Suit. You're sort of knocking our other passengers out, which ultimately causes less dancing, and since the nondancing of one that causes the nondancing of approximately three and a half others is truthfully much better not dancing himself rather than dancing and causing overall more nondancing than if he had been nondancing himself.

Havoc: 0.0

Kimblee: -brain explodes-

Ed: -splattered with brain- Eeew… it smells like pumpkin…

Al: -sits down- Sorry, Mr. Complicated Explanation Man.

Albel/Mr. Complicated Explanation Man: No problem

_Come and find me, my name is Macarena  
always at the party,  
´cause the chicos think I´m buena  
come join me, dance with me  
and all your fellows cat hello with me_

Ed: Good, it's almost over…

Havoc: Thank God…

-the music ends just as Albel drags away a screaming Wrath, who had refused to Dance-

Ed: Stupid Wrath…

Al: Hey, brother, maybe on the way back we should look where he was catapulted and see if he's dead, and then rip off your arm and leg and attack them back to you with alchemy!

Havoc: Uhh… 0.0

Ed: That's morbid even for your character interference, C.V. … Woah…

C.V.: Mfftmmmfpffjustathought…

-Havoc puffs the last of his cigarette, and the butt drops to the ground and begins doing the Mexican Hat Dance around a bread crumb-

Havoc: …(that's never happened before…)

L Conductor Dude: We are now approaching Nibleheim. Please have any baggage with you when the L stops, and get off as quick as you can. Busy schedule, you know.

And so the L pulled into the station, and the crew got out, into the brisk mountain town.

Ed: Now for the Cheeto Poofies.

C.V.: THE END! Fer now… tell me what you think, oi?


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer and Other Notages: Okiez. As stated in all previous chapters, I don't own the wonderful FMA or anything related. I do occasionally buy Cheeto Poofies for lunch, though XD_

_I would like to say thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed. This is going to be an especially odd chapter, I wrote it while at school… (it's influences will be listed in italics above parts)… but… I like it all the same._

RANDOMNESS- CHAPTER 6!

_Influenced by Spanish class…_

So, like, the FMA crew we all know and love got off the L, and it like exploded and stuff! And Gluttony, Lust, and Sloth got blown up too! Albel didn't explode, though, because he had just eaten a moogle with NulBlaze and has pretty hair. Alphonse ate a pancake. But then he realized he couldn't do that so he got angry and poked Greed.

Greed: Why'd you poke me?

Al: Because I'm angry at pancakes.

Greed: Oh. I understand.

C.V.: I want to call them flapjacks.

Greed: Okay.

Ed: Now to get Cheeto Poofies!

Suddenly Tidus walked up and he was all like, 'it's Dance Dance Revolution Celebration Day and the only way to get past the evil chocobos is to dance'. And the FMA crew didn't think that made much sense and they didn't want to dance anymore, so they tangoed past the evil green chocobos and entered the main part of Nibleheim.

Greed: I need to buy a grapefruit and some root beer, see ya.

And Greed was all like gonna leave and stuff, and then Ed was like,

Ed: We need Cheeto Poofies.

and Greed was all like,

Greed: Cool.

And so they like went to the nearest convenience store. The door wouldn't open. So Ed transmuted it into a French fry. Suddenly Winry appeared!

Ed: I thought you were dead!

Winry: So did I!

And Winry saw the French fry and ate it and her head exploded! And Greed was all pissed because head got on his coat so he threw a potatoe at Alphonse.

Havoc: Now she's dead. I wonder why though?

And like the French fry jumped up and sat on Ed's nose. It had an X on its face.

Ed: OMG LYK3 1T5 5(4R!11!

Havoc: OMG U JU5T 5P0K3 1337!

_Spanish class ended here. Now I had study hall._

And then the Scar French fry exploded as suicide to escape the 133 idiocy. Alphonse and Greed celebrated by line dancing until Ed threatened to turn them into liver sausage.

Ed: Cheeto Poofies.

Greed: Grapefruit and root beer to poison Roy.

Ed: 0.0 Okiez then…

_The rest of this was written in study hall under the influence of Feel Good Inc. by the Gorillaz_

And so Ed, Al, Havoc, and Greed entered the convenience store. Cloud was behind the counter. Greed hurried off to get his disgustingly poisonous substances, and Ed began searching for Cheeto Poofies. He found them next to some teriyaki chicken. Then he went to buy them.

Cloud: That'll be 7 Gil.

Ed: 7 what?

Cloud: 7 Gil.  
Ed: What the flip…

And so ed got out 7 dollars and tried to transmute it into 7 Gil. The result was some burnt toast that hopped away.

Ed: -smirksmirk- -turns to Havoc-

Havoc: -smoking a cig unenthusiastically-

Ed: -whispering- Poke him.

Havoc: Why?

Ed: Just do it.

And so Havoc like poked Cloud and stuff, and Cloud exploded into a cloud of smoke that smelled like lemons. Ed, Al, and Havoc then proceeded to run off with the Cheeto Poofies. Havoc got a Mountain Dew for the way.

When they got back to the L station after Electric Sliding past the green chocobos of DOOM, they discovered that the a sploded L was still very a sploded. And so Ed transmuted the wreckage into a giant orange flying hamster and they all flew back to Central. As they were leaving, the hamster saw Greed and ate him. He tasted like waffles.

They got back to headquarters safely, and everyone got off the giant hamster. Alphonse decided to keep the hamster as a pet and named it Guillermo.

And all of a sudden Guillermo went KABOOM, and Greed stood there all covered in guts and decomposing grapefruit.

Al: What… what?

Greed: Your hamster ate the root beer and grape fruit intended for Mustang. I'm afraid it was too much for him.

Al: Poor Guillermo… -sob-

Ed: Okay. I need to give these Cheeto Poofies to Hughes.

_I originally stopped writing here because my hand got tired. But I came back to study hall after lunch and started listening to DARE by Gorillaz so I managed a more endiful ending…_

So Ed headed for Hughes' office with the bag of Cheeto Poofies.

Hughes: YAY! CHEETO POOFIES!

Ed: -.-… Would that be all now?

Hughes: Mfftmfmmm… Elicia! –smothers Ed with Elicia pictures-

And so Ed turned all the pictures into flapjacks and ate his way out. He ran back to his office.

Hughes: Aww… Now I have to use my backup Elicia pictures… SET B!  
C.V.: Okay. Now it feels more ended. REVIEWREVIEWREVIEW!


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer and Notages: Urmm… I don't own nothing. Nope. Not even the Wizard of Oz, which I sort of used as theme. Too bad, eh?_

_Thanks: Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter… and sorry it's been so long since I've updated… Been busy and unenthused… Actually I'm writing this for a Christmas present for you faithful readers who've still come back to this even after such a long period without updating, and I've gotta announce that new updates will be sporadic, and not fairly closely-spaced like they always were before. You can blame school or summat. Anyway, I hope you don't mind my theme for this chapter... But it's all that really came to mind. Plus I wanted to sing the 'Wicked Bitch' song. So yeah._

_To those who want to continue reading, I'd suggest putting this story on your alert list or something, so you know when I've randomly updated Randomness…_

_Chapter 7!_

-taking place in the order of the Wizard of Oz order… they're at a farmhouse now… please, don't ask why it's like this… I don't even like the Wizard of Oz much… ?-

Ed: That stupid bitch Miss Yuna hit Alphonse over the head with a potatoe.

Hawkeye: (I can't believe you made me substitute Auntie Em -.-)

C.V.: Deal with it -.-

Hawkeye: Err… -reads script- Uh, don't call Miss Yuna a bitch, Ed.

Ed: But she's just pissed because Alphonse thought her cat was a stray and put it in his suit of armor… and now she's threatening to call the sheriff?.?

Al: Really? I don't remember her saying that.

Roy: (I'm a person called Hunk. Is that supposed to mean something?)

C.V.: No, I don't like you, you idjut -.-

Roy: (Pfft…) Err… You aren't using your brain about Miss Yuna, Ed. Think you didn't have any brains at all.

Albel Nox: Bwahahahaha! –randomly explodes Roy and then leaves-

Armstrong: Oh! Oh, it feels like my joints are rusted.

Listen, Ed, don't let Roy kid you

about Miss Yuna. She's just a poor sour-faced old maid that she ain't got no heart left. You know, you should have a little more heart yourself, and have pity on her.

C.V.: Wow. Those were the exact lines from the movie 0.0

Armstrong: Reading scripts exactly as they are first read has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!

Ed: 0.0 –runs away-

Kimblee: You should stand up to her. Just have a little courage, that's all.

Ed: -runs away for good-

Fury: Yeah, they don't understand you, right?

Fury: -dressed up like a fortune teller-

Ed: Can we get to the hurricane/tornado thing now?

C.V.: Uh… Fine.

-Ed climbs inside Alphonse for safety-

-Everything explodes into a giant swirling tornado-

Al: Brother! Brother, look!

And so Ed looked out of Alphonse's head. And what he saw was burned into his memory forever.

Scar was riding a tricycle in the wind, unfazed, and it looked like a revived Guillermo was trying to eat Greed again in the distance. It looked like Kuja was back too but he exploded into a pumpkin pie before Ed could be sure. And then Zidane ate the pumpkin pie because it's good but not as good as pumpkin roll so Zidane turned into a pumpkin roll and got eaten by Garnet, because it's good but not as good as teriyaki chicken, so Garnet turned into teriyaki chicken, which is not only good but the best so C.V. Spike entered the story and ate it!

Ed: That was odd and unnecessary…

-Ed and Al get knocked out-

: She's dead! The wicked bitch of the east is dead!

Al: Huh? –wakes up- Ed!

Ed: Mmmfff… -blinkblink- Oh my god there're Ooompa Loompas!

: We aren't Oompa Loompas. We're those other things that the authoress can't remember what we're called right now,

C.V: NO WAIT! They're munchkins!

: Yeah. We're Munchkins.

Al: Oh.

Ed: That's really creepy. But at least you aren't orange like those other things.

? can be Bob the Munchkin: Anyway! You have killed the wicked bitch of the east!

Ed: Eh?

Al: Oh no, brother!

-Everyone looks to Alphonse-

Ed: You squished Miss Yuna!

Al: -starts weeping- I'm so, so sorry…

The Munchkins begin to cheer: Ding dong, the bitch is dead, which old bitch, the wicked bitch! Ding dong, the wicked bitch is dead!

Ed: She really was a wicked bitch… But wait, how would you know?

Bob: She's the wicked bitch of the east. Miss Yuna was her name.

Ed: So there's more wicked bitches, then?

Bob: Of course. There's the wicked bitch of the south, Miss Faye Valentine, and the wicked bitch of the west, Lady Sara Mudo. And then, there's the good bitch of the North…

Ed: There's a… GOOD… bitch? -.-

Yuffie: Hey, you idjut! Get it right! I'm the good WITCH of the north, you got that? –Bolt 2s Bob using stolen Materia-

Ed: Uhuh… So can you get us back to Central?

Yuffie: Eh? Ugh, hell no. I just use Materia, I ain't really magic. But, hey, if you find a pair of ruby red combat boots and but 'em on, and stuff, and when the time comes, click your heels together three times and whisper, there's no place like my office in Central, there's no place like my office in Central, 3 times, then maybe you can go back.

Ed: Where the flip am I supposed to find ruby red combat boots?

Al: Miss Yuna… has ruby red combat boots on…

Ed: Eew…

Yuffie: Go get 'em, tiger.

Ed: -cringecringe- She's all dead, though…

Yuffie: Really. You'd best go get those slippers before Seymour comes to drag off Miss Yuna's dead body…

Ed: That's even ickier… -rushes off and grabs off Miss Yuna's combat boots- -puts them on-

Bob: They clash with your coat.

Ed: -growl- Mfft… -clicks heels together three times- There's no place like my office in Central, there's no place like my office in Central, there's no place like my office in Central…

-nothing happens-

Ed: IT DIDN'T WORK!

Yuffie: Well duh! It apparently isn't time for you to go back yet! You've probably got ta do crap first!

Ed: Well… whaddya think I should do?

Yuffie: Ya should go visit the Wonderful Wizard of the Golden Saucer!

Ed: How the hell am I supposed to get there? -.-

Yuffie: Follow the off-white magenta tinted road!

Ed: The off-white magenta tinted road?

Bob: The off-white magenta tinted road!

Ed: Come on, Al. Let's get our asses in gear. We need to get back before I miss the next episode of Samurai Champloo AGAIN.

Al: Coming!

-Bob explodes and turns into Seymour-

Ed: -hurries off faster-

-on off-white, magenta tinted road-

-a rustling sound is heard as Ed and Al near a cornfield-

Ed: What the flip was that?

Al: Uh… a kitty?

Ed: I dun think so… -.-

: Uweeheehee!

Ed: Nuuuuuuuuuu…

? is Kefka!

Kefka: -pops out of cornfield- Uwee! Never thought I'd see you here!

Ed: Why were you… ya know… hiding in a cornfield?

Kefka: Pfft, dumbass, everyone knows I hide in cornfields and leap out upon unsuspecting victims!

C.V.: Remember this next time you go to a corn maze.

Kefka: So where're you headed?

Ed: The Golden Saucer. I'm sposed ta see the Wonderful Wizard there.

Kefka: Really? I was told to go there too! I need to ask him for a brain.

Ed: That doesn't much surprise me…

Al: Uh… how're you alive without a brain?

Kefka: Well, I HAD one once, but now it's just orange jello. And only HALF of it's still there because I got attacked by a rabid kangaroo that ate half of it. And I'm only alive because the authoress thinks someone could survive with a brain made out of jello.

C.V.: Or she's just a Kefka fan.

Kefka: Exactly.

Ed: Great… company… I LOVE company… -sarcasmsarcasm-

Kefka: Fabulous! Uwee! –hops alongside the Elrics-

-they reach a river-

Ed: Pfft. A bridge musta collapsed. I can see the path continuing on the other side.

Kefka: Couldn't you, like… transmute a bridge or something?

Ed: -growl- Or something…

Al: I'll get some corn, brother. That's pretty much all we've got.

Ed: Mmkay…

-Al throws a pile of corn at Ed's feet-

Ed: Here goes…

And so Ed transmuted the pile of corn into a purple frog.

Kefka: Uh… forgive me if I'm wrong, but… HOW THE HELL IS A FROG SUPPOSED TO GET US ACROSS THE RIVER?

Al: Frogs can swim, but this one's not big enough to take us across…

Ed: Pfft. Relax, and hold my hand, Kefka, hold onto Alphonse.

Kefka: …? –obeys anyway-

-Ed grabs onto the purple frog-

Purple Frog: Ribbit, ribbit.

And then, the purple frog began to levitate, and flew everyone across the river!

Kefka: Thanks, Purple Frog!

Al: Yay! I shall keep it and call it Valentinez!

Ed: -transmutes Valentinez into a corn dog and eats it-

Al: T.T

Kefka: Aww…

Ed: Mmm… But better with ketchup… Hmm… anyway, let's keep going!

_There you go. That's a bit of crap for a short while, isn't it? I'll try to write more fairly soon, I really will, I just don't know if I'll be able to. Anyway… Tell me what you think, please, and if you think the story's really stupid you can say so. I was just attempting something different. Thanks!_

_C.V. Spike_


	8. Chapter 8

_Disclaimer and Notages: Don't own nuthin… 'cept my random mind. I win. _

_Another chapter so soon? Wow, you got TWO Christmas prezzies from me. I want one back…_

_Rots: I didn't FORGET Winry. I purposely excluded her. Well, then I did. Who knows what'll happen this chapter…_

_Kefka: The authoress sure as hell doesn't know…_

_There's NOTHING wrong with winging it, you know…_

CHAPTER 8! Huzzah!

And so, we left off with Ed eating a corndog that was formerly a purple frog named Valentinez. I think. I have short-term memory when it comes to most things, so I can't be certain, but I'm pretty sure. Anyway, I'm the authoress, so whatever I say goes. Isn't that right, Ed?

Ed: Of course it is.

C.V.: See? I can make him say yes AS MUCH AS I WANT. Watch this.

Ed: I still sleep with a teddy bear.

Kefka: I eat more cheese fondue than is healthy for a person.

C.V.: _Anything…_

Ed: Get to the damn story already!

C.V.: Yessir!

Okay. So yeah. They were following the off-white magenta tinted road, when all of a sudden, they came upon Greed! 'Cept, he was all, like, not moving and stuff. Ed poked him with a stick to see if he was dead. Greed twitched.

Greed: Mouta… Duu…

Ed: Eh? –continues poking Greed with stick-

Greed: -looks toward a twelve-pack of Mountain Dew- Mouta…nnaah… Dew…

Al: Brother, he needs Mountain Dew!

Ed: -grabs Mountain Dew- So he needs some of this?

Greed: Yaaarrr…

Kefka: -pops open can and pours it on Greed's head- Uwee...!

Greed: -suddenly spurts back to life- Oi… thankee… Elrics. –shifty eyes- What're you doing on the off-white magenta tinted road?

Ed: We're off the see the wizard.

Greed: The Wonderful Wizard of the Golden Saucer?

Al: -nods-

Greed: -twitchtwitch- Err… why?

Ed: Me and Al wanna go home.

Kefka: I dun have a brain :)

Greed: -looks to Kefka- I never woulda guessed… '

Kefka: -growl-

Greed: Anyhow… What a coincidence… that's exactly where I was heading!

Kefka: And why were you goin?

Greed: -frown- Ya see… I dun have a heart. I was never given one…

Ed: That's great. Really. But we need to get going.

: Not so fast!

Ed: Eh? -.-

? is Sara Mudo!

Sara: I am the wicked bitch of the west! Fear me and my incestuous ways! –gropes her brother, who is handcuffed to her-

Ed: That's really… really gross.

Sara: Bwahahaha! I make your eyes BURN!

Kefka: BURN! YAY! –sets Sara on fire-

Ed: That's really… really gross.

Al: Brother! Do something!

Sara: -electrifying Kefka-

Greed: I dun wanna do nothing.

Ed: Fine…

And so Ed transmuted a tree into a magical ladder, climbed up to Sara, and transmuted her brother into a Winry wrench and beat Sara into unconsciousness. He then turned the Winry wrench into a potatoe and threw it at Greed, who threw it at Alphonse, who threw it at Kefka, at which point the electrified psycho made it turn into a baked potatoe. Kefka was gonna eat it, too, but it had been groped by a wicked bitch in its former life so Kefka had mercy and threw it into the river which wasn't very far behind them.

Ed: We win.

Greed: Huzzah! –throws confetti and drinks Mountain Dew-

Ed: Okay let's go.

And so they went! And then they reached an orchard. An orchard of peanut trees!

Ed: C.V. … Peanuts don't grow on trees…

C.V.: But they _should_…

Ed: Not even gonna argue.

And so they were walking through the peanut orchard, when all of a sudden one of the trees starting throwing stuff at Alphonse's head, and Alphonse was all like, oh no you didn't, and the tree was all like, oh yeah I did, and Alphonse was all like, oh no you didn't! and then the tree was all like oh yeah I did punk you got summat to say bout it you take it outside and Alphonse was all like we are outside aren't we? And the tree was all like …oh yeah I forgot… and Alphonse was all like, you're a loser and so he transmuted the tree into a carrot named Alexander.

Ed: 0.0

Kefka: Mmm… peanuts…

Greed: I dun like carrots…

And so Ed scuffled along and everyone followed him because they were creeped out.

I think all the other trees were angry too so Ed just transmuted them all into French fries. But then he remembered the one incident with the Scar French fry so he transmuted them into pumpkin rolls for everyone to eat. And they were DELICIOUS.

And so they continued! Of course! And Greed put on a top hat he found in one of the pumpkin rolls.

Then they reached a field of Mountain Dew.

Greed: Mountain Dew!

Ed: The authoress likes Mountain Dew _way_ too much…

C.V.: There's no such thing as like Mountain Dew _way too much_…

Ed: Mfft…

And so they leapt into the field of Mountain Dew. And they got all bruised because, I mean, they LEAPT into a field of aluminum cans, that's going to hurt even if they are precious Mountain Dews. But even so they each drank a can of Mountain Dew. And it was yummy but had a slight hint of Sara to it.

Greed: Tastes a bit funny…

Ed: My Mountain Dew has a slight hint of incest 0.0

Al: That's gross… -was obviously unable to drink Mountain Dew because he cannot… not to say he didn't try-

Kefka: So… sleepy… kyahhh… -drools and collapses-

And then Greed and Ed collapsed too!

Al: The Mountain Dew was poisoned! Oh no! I have to get them out of here!

And then a Setsuna clone came and knocked Alphonse out with a loaf of stale bread, and left! And then…

C.V.: Okay! That's all for now!

_What'll happen next? Well, if you've seen the Wizard of Oz you can make an educated guess… But who knows… Will our heroes awaken? Will Winry show up any time soon even though the authoress despises her? Will Alexander ever find the perfect bow tie? We'll find all this out next time, in… RANDOMNESS, CHAPTER 9!_


	9. Chapter 9

_Disclaimer: You know the drill. If you don't… go reread the last chapter's crappage. _

_Thanks to everyone who has reviewed… you're the ones that keep me writing! _

_Rots: Mountain Dew so totally owns Sprite xINFINITY. Someone should order the undead Kimblee to explode Coca Cola industries for giving the authoress icky beverages But they're probably good and she's probably just delusional. Stuff like that seems to happen to her a lot. Oh, and… I LOVE iced tea… if you can consider it that after all the sugar I add XD And apple cider tastes like… apples 0.o_

_Kikisdestiny: Oh, it's definitely random. Because I told you it was, of course. Besides, I'm doubting it's right considering I haven't seen The Wizard of Oz since I was like 9 (which was plenty of years ago, you know)_

_Stormdrainlovin: Storm's so displeased you stole his secret base location like that. But anyway, Kefka DOES hide in cornfields. You got that right._

_Well, that was boring. Let's start the story, shall we?_

RANDOMNESS- CHAPTER 9!

We left off with our charries all knocked out in the Mountain Dew field. Well, anyway, the King of Potatoes laughed and sang a song about pineapples, and then Alphonse woke up. Which was great because otherwise the story couldn't have continued very well, now, could it have?

And so Alphonse, realizing the ebil and apple-scented scheme of the evil bitch of the whatever compass direction I told you Sara was from, which I think was West but since I'm not sure and don't want to check we'll just call her Sara the wicked bitch of the Leafblower. Because I just saw a dude with a leafblower. Yeah… -twitchtwitch- he grabbed everyone and took them away from the scene. He then force fed them Dr. Pepper, which caused them all to vomit and therefore remove the poison from their system that had been hidden behind the glorious façade of Mountain Dew.

Greed: That was nasty 'as hell…

Kefka: You interrupted my dream… I was right in the middle of a lovely barbeque, too… . 

Al: The wicked bitch of the Leafblower was behind this! She's the one that poisoned the MD!

Ed: -rubs head- I could've guessed…

Greed: Well ob'vusly we gotta hurry our asses up and get to the Golden Saucer before she can do anymore damage.

: ROAR!

Ed: What the flip?

: I said Roar, you loser. You've read the script, don't act so flippin surprised… -Reno walks out from the bushes, wearing a lion mask-

Reno: -reading plainly from script- I am the king of the jungle. But I am cowardly. I need to go to the Magical Wizard or summat from the Golden Saucer and have him gimme some courage. Chya.

Greed: …Short and to the point…

Ed: I thought Leon was gonna be the lion?

Reno: He threw rocks at the authoress because she wasn't gonna pay him…

Ed: Oh. Whatever.

And so, Reno joined the group, looking rather unenthused. And so they continued on the… uh… off-white magenta tinted road in order to get to the Golden Saucer.

And then the wicked bitch herself confronted them, being groped from behind from one of her Setsuna clone-things. The real Setsuna was killed by Michael for being a pansy-dumbass. FYI.

And so Reno came up and threw some holy water on the bitch, and her sinful self evaporated. The end.

But not really.

But she did evaporate. And it made the area around her evaporatedness smell really bad. Somewhere between mustard and mayonnaise. And it was gross and Ed barfed. But nobody cared, so they just continued onwards…

They thought they were never gonna get there, but finally… the lights of the Golden Saucer could be seen in the distance.

Ed: Gyah. Finally -.-

Reno: Hellz yeah!

Greed: Hellz yeah! (like the squirrels in the PSP commercial XD)

And so they walked inside. Cait Sith was waiting at the entrance. He promptly told them a bogus fortune insisting that they would meet a rather unfortunate doom involving banana cream pies, and boarded a large wagon led by multicolored chocobos. The strobe lights that lit the place screwed up everyone's eyes and reminded Reno of strip joints, quite frankly.

Cait Sith: What'cha really here for?

Ed: We're off to see the wizard.

Al: The wonderful wizard of the Golden Saucer.

Cait Sith: Ahhh… I see…

And so Cait Sith and his marvelous Chocobos of multicolored doom took the group to the room, which, he promised, held the almighty wizard himself.

Ed was voted the person who had to actually knock on the door. He got no reply, but entered anyway, figuring the King of Potatoes really didn't mind anyway, even if he did eat muffins. And so they entered… into a large room, with an even larger face on a screen… One that kind of looked like a mix of Kuja and Albel Nox if you squinted hard enough.

Face on the screen: WHY HAVE YOU COME?

Kefka: Crap, you want to know all that?

Face on the screen: WELL… IT'D BE NICE… IF YOU HAVE THE TIME… I MEAN, IF IT DOESN'T INTERFERE WITH ANYTHING AND ALL… I MEAN. NOT REALLY. BUT MY JOB DESCRIPTION TOLD ME I HAD TO BE CONSIDERATE.

Ed: Oh. Okay. Well, me and Al came to get back home!

Kefka: I'm here cuz I dun gotta brain.

Face on the screen: I NEVER WOULD'VE GUESSED…

Kefka: …(why does everyone say that…?)…

Greed: I dun 'ave a 'eart.

Reno: And me… I don't have courage.

Face on the screen: PSSSSSSSSSH. THAT'S STUPID.

Al: -sniffles- That wasn't very nice, Mr. Face on the screen…

Reno: -points- Lookit… I can see some smoke coming up from that… boothish thing covered by a curtain over there…

Face on the screen: -coughcough- Pay no attention to the smoke coming up from the boothish thing covered by a curtain over there!

An so of course they had to investigate because reverse psychology and all that jazz.

And guess who they found.

Wait.

Did you guess?

Cuz I flippin hate it when I tell people to guess and they just say, "what?"

I mean, it defies the entire 'flippin point.

I mean, don't they understand the question?

I specifically say, "and guess who they found."

And people are all like, "who?"

And then I yell at them, because they're supposed to guess.

So you better have guessed by now.

Or you will eventually be stabbed by pitchforks.

Or not.

I'll have to talk to some people and see what I can arrange.

You got that guess ready yet?

Good.

Because it was Havoc. And of course it was. He hadn't been around for a while, and C.V. was starting to get H.D.D.T.D.R.E.B.T.A.I.I.D. (Havoc Deficiency Disease That Doesn't Really Exist But The Authoress Insists It Does)

Havoc: Damn it. Now how'm I s'posed to get paid?

Ed: I didn't know you had a part-time job…

Havoc: Pssh. You think I just sit around all the time you're gone? Pff. Military wages are CRAP.

Ed: Well yeah, you've got a point.

Havoc: I know I do.

Ed: Yeah.

Havoc: Yeah.

Greed: Hellz yeah!

Reno: HELLZ YEAH!

Kefka: -jealous due to lack of attention- It's stupid now, you idjuts… . 

Havoc: Well… I gotta give you some form of summat… and I might as well, since I'm gonna get fired anyway… Waste their stuff…

Reno: Me first. I need courage. That's what the script says.

Havoc: Uh… -rummaging in a desk- -pulls out a thing of Altoids-

Reno: Eh? -.

Havoc: They're curiously strong. If you can eat one, then you're pretty damn courageous.

Reno: Uh… okay, whatever.

And so Reno ate the Altoid. And it was pretty damn yummy too even though it kind of made his tongue feel burnt. And so he was courageous.

Havoc: Next.

Greed: Heart, please?

Havoc: Pssh… that's a tough one… -rummages through desk some more- -pulls out a bag of Rice-a-roni-

Greed: What does this have to do with a heart!

Havoc: Errm… it's the San Francisco treat? –blinkblink-

Greed: I still dun get it… sniffles

And so Greed got a bag of Ri- I mean, a heart!

Havoc: And…?

Kefka: Brain?

Havoc: Just the thing… -pulls out a half-piece of orange jelly-

Kefka: OMG! FOR ME?

Havoc: Well. Duh. You're a bright one, aren't you?

Kefka: Yay :3 –inserts jelly into brain through ear-

Havoc: Eew… and… last but not least?

Ed: I wanna go back to my office in Central.

Havoc: Ahh… I think some chick named Yuffie mentioned this… ya got those Ruby Red Combat Boots?

Ed: Yesh.

Havoc: Well. I wanna go back to Central too. So. –holds on to little part of Ed's hair that sticks up- You know what to do.

Ed: There's no place like my office in Central, there's no place like my office in Central, there's no place like my office in Central…

-Alphonse, Edward, and Havoc return to Ed's office in Central-

Al: Yay! It worked!

Ed: Indeed.

Havoc: Pssh. Finally. Now she's finished this plot and Randomness can start over something new. Huzzah.

Al & Ed: Hu-zzah. –insert confetti throwing here-

_Yeah, I'm sure it's not that good, but review anyway. I was kind of getting tired of the theme, so I'm sorry if it's not as good as some of its preceding chapters… but yeah. I've been distracted lately. What with school and all. Pssh. And Fruits Basket. And The Da Vinci Code. Yes, I'm reading the Da Vinci Code And it's good, too. Course, I always imagine Fache as Roy and Lt. Collet as Havoc XD It makes it much more fun to read :3_

_So, until next time… Huzzah._


	10. Chapter 10

_Disclaimer and Notages:_

_OMG! Flippin double digits! Huzzah! Quite frankly I'm surprised Randomness is still around but hey, it is. Sorry for such spread-apart updating, I'm rarely on fanfiction anymore in the first place. Which is too bad, because I like reading other parodies and stuff… That said, don't think I'm rude if I don't read and review your stuff. To tell the truth, the brightness bothers my eyes, so I rarely even look over my own stuff on here… Again, sorry I haven't updated for so long. I've been busier than I usually am lately…_

_So, thankies to all reviewees… because your reviews really mean a lot to me! Well… let's go!_

_(This chapter (and some to follow) were actually inspired by a dream I had XD)_

Randomness- Chapter 10!

It was a cloudy day, and everyone was sad because there was no orange juice.

Ed: Man, I really want some 'flippin orange juice.

Havoc: Well go get some.

Ed: Well maybe I will.

Havoc: But where will you go…?

Al: Brother… you know there's only one place we can go…

: THE WALMART!

?Kefka, of course!

-scary music plays-

Kefka: Dundundun…!

Ed: Not THE WALMART!

Havoc: THE WALMART!

Kefka: Dundundun!

Ed: Nooooooo!

Havoc: Yes!

Kefka: Dundundun!

Havoc: Shuddup -.-

Kefka: Meh…

Ed: Well, fine then. I'll go and get everyone orange juice. Because I want some.

Havoc: Brave, brave soul…

And so Ed, being the brave, brave soul that he was, set off on the journey for the orange juice, willing to risk his life within the perilous walls of THE WALMART. And of course, Alphonse, Havoc, and Kefka came with, because it's more fun that way, of course!

And they all rode Chocobos, CUZ I SAID SO.

It was dangerous from the moment they arrived.

Ed: This… is chaos!

Alphonse: No! No! What… what kind of society would DO something like this?

Kefka: I know! Not a SINGLE one of those carts are in the cart return! –terrified look-

Havoc: I warned you…

Alphonse: Brother, are you sure we should be doing this?

Ed: -grim expression- A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

And so Ed boldly led his chocobo through the cart-filled wasteland that was THE WALMART parking lot. The others followed cautiously, cuz you never know when one of those carts is gonna come flyin outta nowhere and attack you.

Anyways, Ed finally found a clear spot, and tied his chocobo to the pole there. The others did likewise. They approached the building, over which a dark cloud loomed, emanating thunder and lightning. The building itself was… GIGANTINORMOUS, LYK ONG.

Havoc: You sure about this?

Ed: It's not about you or me. It's about the orange juice. That's all that matters.

Havoc: Way to go, kid, way to go.

And so… they dared- they entered THE WALMART.

Kefka: Dundundun!

Havoc: -glare-

: WELCOME TO THE WALMART!

: KNIVES

KNIVES: -basically attacks them with a cart-

Ed: -recognizes him- Hey… I thought you died in the very first chapter?

KNIVES: Oh, yeah, that… Well, I did. But this dude named Hojo, well, he was drinking this Dr. Pepper slushie, and like, a piece of my finger clogged up the straw, and so he, like, tried to… recreate me, I guess. Mad scientist stuff and all that.

Group: -blank stare-

KNIVES: Yeah… Anyways, welcome to Hel- I mean, THE WALMART.

Ed: Yeah…

THE WALMART stretched before them endlessly, like a field full of radioactive corn muffins.

Ed: So… Where's the orange juice in all this?

Havoc: All part of the chaos that is THE WALMART….

Alphonse: Do they sell maps of the store? Cuz I think that we may end up in another country if we don't be careful.

Ed: We'll just have to look…

And so the crew set out on the search for the orange juice. Which seemed almost impossible to find. Kefka was endlessly reading those signs that hang at the end of aisles to tell their contents.

Kefka: Board games, pots and pans, toe nail polish, DVDs, butter, ice cream, whipped cream, lingerie, pasta, unhealthy preservative filled foods…

Ed: Uggh. I'm getting tired of even looking.

Havoc: So am I #.#

Kefka: Idea!

Ed: Huh?

Kefka: -points to an aisle of bicycles-

Havoc: I hate bikes.

Kefka: There're scooters, too!

And so Ed and Al took bikes for store transportation, and Havoc took a scooter. And Kefka took one of those oversized balls that you can jump around on, cuz they were there to and are AWESOMELY AWESOME.

_And so it ends for now… I'll update again as soon as I write more, I just wanted to give you what I had so far._

_Until then, you should check out Mirror of Torment by Rots. It's awesome as well!_


	11. Chapter 11

Randomness… CHAPTER 11!

_Long time, no see, eh? Well, I won't be wasting your time with notes, then._

And so the search for the orange juice continued, our heroes deep within the cement walls of THE WALMART.

Kefka: -bouncing on bouncy thing- I'm bored.

Ed: Yes, yes, so am I.

And then… OMGZ… TWAS LUCIFER AGAIN!

And he was in the cheese aisle.

Lucifer: Provolone… muenster… Swiss… oh, the agony of choices! –turns to face our heroes- Ah… so it is you again… you who would not surrender your cheese and banished me from your fine establishment…

Havoc: Fine establishment? 0.o

Lucifer: Myes… but now you shall pay! –twirls hands all evil-like, and demons that look strangely like Heartless appear around him- ATTACK, MY MINIONS!

Kefka: I knew something like this might come up. Luckily, I have just the thing. –grin-

Ed: Huh?

Kefka: -tosses something that looks like a duck with a round bottom in the aisle just as the Heartless are rushing up, and it wobbles, but stays upright-

And all the demons were distracted by it!

Demon #1: -prods thing-

Demon #2: It won't fall down.

Lucifer: Here here! Move away! –kneels down by object and swacks it- H'oshit, it doesn't fall down!

Kefka: Weebles wobble but they don't fall down! –FF7 victory music plays-

-party leaves Lucifer and company in fascination-

Kefka: -egotistical grin-

Ed: Yeah, yeah, I could've come up with that…

Havoc: As if…

Al: Weebles kick ass.

And so the journey was resumed. –theme music-

They journeyed deeper into the bowels of WALMART Hell, with rollback prices following them like harpies. They passed a dude with blonde hair and a dark cloak as they continued onwards. He was playing something that looked like a strange guitar and had his case open for monetary offerings.

Dude: Hey… no donations? –disappointed face-

Ed: No, no donations. Get a job.

Dude: I _have _a job, for your information. I wash the rest of the Organization's clothes. However, it doesn't pay well. Come on, just a little donation! I have to buy laundry soap or the surfer pirate sniper Xigbar is gonna shoot me!

Ed: No.

Dude: -plays his guitar (sitar) and a row of water rises up behind him- Do it, or I'll make all of your worst dreams about rust come true! –points threateningly to Alphonse-

Ed: Pff. Don't have time for you. –puts a dollar in guitar case-

Dude: Phwee! –innocent grin- -water disappears- Thank you for your contribution!

Ed: Hm, yeah… 0.o

The Randomness crew took a quick turning to the refrigerated shtuff aisle, and Ed stopped momentarily.

Ed: Wait! Orange juice…

Al: Is usually refrigerated!

-insert happy dancing here-

-Kefka, Havoc, and Al continue forward, but Ed does not-

Al: What's wrong, brother?

Ed: -squeamish- I'm… I'm surrounded by milk! –horrorterrorhorror-

Kefka: Yeahsowhatwhocaresstopbeingpredictable.

Ed: Yeah you're right… -/endhorrorterrorhorror-

-maniacal laughter-

Havoc: Again? #.#

-Lucifer reappears, Weeble on his head, standing in front of the orange juice department-

Lucifer: -pulls a scroll out of his shirt and reads- Edward Elric, a.k.a. the Fullmetal Alchemist, has been hereby sentenced to Hell.

Ed: What? Why?

Al: Yeah, Ed hasn't done anything THAT bad!

Kefka: Hell's only for people who're REALLY bad, like people who borrow manga and abuse it.

Lucifer: Guh, I HATE it when people do that.

Kefka: So do I v.v

Al: But Ed hasn't done that, have you, Ed?

Ed: -innocent whistling-

Lucifer: Scroll says Ed transmuted Winry's EdxRoy doujinshi into a tomato and threw it at a tree.

Ed: But! But it was WRONG.

Lucifer: But, tsk tsk, it still took the form of a manga.

Ed: …It wasn't a manga when I killed it with the tree…

Lucifer: Shut up! No loopholes allowed!

-horrorterrorhorror-

_What will happen to the Randomness crew? Will Ed really be sent to Hell for trashing the doujinshi? If the Weeble falls of of Lucifer's head and begins to wobble, will it still stay upright? Find out in… Randomness: Chapter whatevernumbercomesafterthisone._

Afterword time! Okay, I'm really sorry for not updating for so long! I just haven't had writer's block. I still don't have writer's block, either, but I managed to write this anyway, and I hope you like it! I'll really try to update more now, honest, if you review and say I should continue! Thank you for reading! By the way, if you couldn't tell, the 'dude' is the awesometastic DEMYX, YO.


	12. Chapter 12

Randomness- Chapter 12!

-Almost- more fun than feeding paper towels to the garbage disposal.

Disclaimer: Do we even need a disclaimer anymore?

-suddenly that annoying ass guardian thing that's on Ansem's back in KH1 appears, grabbing Ed-

Lucifer: To Hell!

Ed: I still don't want to -.- I thought THE WALMART _was_ Hell, anyway?

Lucifer: -leading way through aisles as the whole crew follows- Kinda sorta. But, really, it's the LAYAWAY SECTION that is truly in the bowels of Hell.

Kefka: Haha, he said bowels XD

Havoc: Shaddup.

And when they entered the LAYAWAY SECTION, the saw:

-insert some of the most messed-up images and freaky shit you could possibly imagine here-

Ed: Holy crap.

Lucifer: UNholy crap.

Ed: Oh, yeah, you're right. Sorry.

Lucifer: Don't worry, it's a common mistake.

Ed: Right.

And then, suddenly, the Randomness crew found themselves standing in a dirt driveway. Ed had a WalMart bag under his boot.

Kefka: Hell is in a WalMart bag? 0.0

Ed: Umm… I guess?

Al: Did I miss something? –confusion-

C.V.: It's based on a dream I had. Yes, it's NORMALLY that confusing.

Havoc: Whatever . 

AND THEN THE WORLD EXPLODED! OMGWTFBBQ!

Randomness in SPACE!

Ed: If only I could… reach the secret compartment… on my utility belt…

And then Ed was hit by a tree. Attached to the tree was Vash, the tree hugger. He was hugging it, obviously. He was apparently trying to protect it because it was full of bulletholes, which is typically what happens to stuff Vash tries to protect. (S'okay, we love him anyway :D)

And there were only 48 bottles of beer on the wall, though Greed insisted there were 99, and then, ohmehgawd, TEH CHICKENS!

Chicken #1: Teriyaki chickens, to be precise.

Ed: Nuuuuuuuuuu!

Havoc: -serious voice- I have heard of these creatures. They have mad skills and lie most of the time. They call you weird names like Moodpoodgie and the only way to stop them is to eat them.

Ed: -shrug- Teriyaki chicken kicks ass.

Chicken #2: We will not be defeated so easily! –attempts to high jump and claw out Al's eyeballs-, but AL DOESN'T HAVE ANY EYEBALLS so the chicken turned into cardboard!

C.V: -just kinda jumps in and eats one of the chickens-

Kefka: -chicken feet dangling out of his mouth- It called by a Fluffypudge ;.;

Ed: -listening to I-Pod- Everybody was kung-fu fighting… -Geico gecko comes and sings too-

Havoc: Gimme that… -uses mad ninja skills to steal the I-Pod-

Ed: -moves hair out of eye- I challenge you to a fight! Ninja style! –eye is all glowy-

Havoc: Not teh SHaRiNgAN EYE:O

Ed: Totally the Sharingan Eye.

Havoc: H'oshiz.

Ed: Oh yeah.

Havoc: Well then… since you can copy everything I do… there is only one thing I can do. –solemness- NINJA CENTERFOLD!

ED: -copyingness- NINJA CENTERFOLD!

-Randomness crew is surrounded by naked ladies, all which act particularly lusty-

Kefka: Uwee! I'm schizophrenic, does that mean I get two blowjobs?

Havoc: You're gonna scare 'em off, Kefka 0.0

-Naked girls poof away-

END OF CHAPTA 12!

_Notes: Kyuukyuu, I'm such a bad fangirl. –slaps self- Potatoe plus Tomato equals Pomato. Kyuh. Forgetting is a crime punishable by death. –hides in a garbage disposal- Ooh, vampires. –has been reading too much Anne Rice lately- Kyah. Thanks for reviews! –happiness- Please continue to review! And if there's anything you'd like to see here in Randomness, feel free to mention it:3_


	13. Chapter 13

_Man, tis been so long since last chapter. I'm sorry ;; I've been feeling quite unrandom. It doesn't help that FMA isn't on TV with new episodes anymore. I'll do my best, though vv_

Okay so they were in space and all, or at least they were, and then all of a sudden, there was a giant kaboom (possibly triggered by an explosive that had something to do with a green-haired bounty hunter) and then our crew consisting of Ed, Al, Kefka, and Havoc found themselves in the middle of the ocean. And they could breath!

And Ed had a shark tail and ugly gills underneath his eyeballs. Alphonse was a miniature submarine. Havoc was a… platypus… yeah. And Kefka was an octopus. He didn't ask anyone to call him Ulty, though.

And they immediately knew that this wasn't going to be good.

And then some whore wearing only a bra and no pants (but a scaly green fish tail) and red hair came up to them. She had this fat-as-hell fish and a lobster or crab or something kind of hovering around her.

Whore: Hey, welcome to Atlantica! We're gonna have a lot of finny fun!

Kefka: Screw'dat. slaps her with an octopus… octopus legsquishy… tentacle! And runs off

Ed: Where the hell 'ya goin?

Kefka: sob I dunno… But I've played this part of KH2, I dun wanna sing based on the reaction times of people hitting squares and circles and triangles and etcetera…

And so Kefka used his magical Kefka powers to summon a ninja cheeseburger. The cheeseburger then commenced in beating the hats right off the asses of the people who had attempted to spread 'finny fun' amongst them.

And, with a squirt of ketchup, he disappeared back to the bowels of hell from whence he came.

Which if you remember just so happened to be the layaway section of a certain store…

And then Ed used his mad transmutation skills to turn Atlantica into a strip joint.

But since Al was all cute and little and innocent Ed decided he had made a not-so-good-example-older-brother-choice and turned the strip joint into a potato farm just in time to avoid two crazy chicks who were running at him with cries of 'pimp' and wearing hooker boots.

If Ed would've been wearing his ruby red combat boots he might have started whispering

There's no place like my office in Central, but sadly he had found an awesome pair of boots for only $15 at TJMaxx and had thrown the ruby reds in a box somewhere.

But wait, we were at a potato farm. Potatoes were growing on the trees. COMRADE Potatoes. They had crazy short orange hair and kept on talking about people named Jimmy and Rux. Ed had visited a potato farm before, so he knew it was no good trying to communicate with them. Havoc wondered where the pomato farm was, and just then, everything exploded! And it was Michael's fault, as such things typically are.

Michael: Bwaha! I am the unbelievably badass, unbearably fantastic-

Kefka: Shut up. You already introduced yourself… a long time ago -.-

Michael: You shut up, stupid ass clown!

And then Michael proceeded in throwing a pissy fit, summoned a ball of kittens using the Magnet spell he learned in KH, and set them on fire.

Al: Nooooo! Why'd you kill the kitties? Whywhywhy?

And that was when Al realized he was still a miniature tank and he sent a missile of antiawesomeness aimed directly at Michael. The missile hit with a resounding p'choowww! and Michael was effected by the antiawesomeness and turned into a Sara. The Sara then flew away on a piece of wax paper and the dish ran away with the spoon.

Havoc comforted the fork that had been abandoned, offered it a cigarette, and then returned to the rest of the group.

Havoc: I'm bored.

Al: Yeah, me too.

Ed: Duh. It isn't my fault. I can't transmute this world into my office. I'd need the Philosopher's Stone. If I could just do whatever I wanted, I wouldn't get a TV show.

Al: True, true…

Kefka: dancing Whee, I poisoned a river!

Ed: Pssh. Stop being violent. transmutes Kefka into a Vash

Vash: runs off and hugs a potato tree

Ed: Alright. Now that ends that… for a little while.

C.V.: Yup. He'll be back eventually. You know it.

Ed: Well, duh x.x

_And this is where you come in! What do you want to see in the continuation of Randomness? Come on, help me out. I'm trying to be nice and continue it for you, seeing as I hate it when there're fanfics that just stop completely… I mean, this is /close/ to stopping completely, but I mean, it's called Randomness, so, um, the updates are random too? I've been busy lately.. sorry. But I'll work on it when I can, as I was told to by a friend of mine, and any suggestions as to how to proceed are helpful!_


	14. Chapter 14

_Well. It's been forever. No apologies; let's just begin._

_And if it's crap… well. It might've just gotten rid of some writer's block, and that's what it was created for._

Chapter 14

Ed, Al, and Havoc were in the Vortex. And by vortex, I mean, 'a whirling mass of air, esp. one in the form of a visible column or spiral, as a tornado.' Because, as Havoc pointed out after referencing his Handi-Dandi notebook (with dictionary accessory), there were several definitions to the word. After flying around haphazardly in the dark for approximately eight minutes, and after seeing a random Gaara get knocked out by a flying buffalo, Havoc decided to point out to Ed that it would be wise to transmute them onto something, you know, _less vortex-like_.

And so Ed transmuted the vortex into a pony.

An enraged Chemistry teacher popped up and shouted something along the lines of 'No! You can't do that! A transmutation requires a change in the nucleus, and nuclear reaction! You cannot!' and got all snarly, so Ed transmuted the anti-transmutation teacher into a kitten, which Alphonse commenced in strangling with love.

Havoc: I feel immensely lacking in masculinity. Couldn't you have done a rhinoceros or something, at least?

Ed: -grumbly- Nope.

Havoc: You're just mad because you wanted Taco Bell.

Ed: Damn that Saint Dane.

Because, while Ed, Al, and Havoc had no clue who or what Saint Dane was, they had the troubling suspicion that he was behind the vortex, and the mysterious disappearances of the Taco Bells. I mean, why anybody would want to steal the world's Taco Bells, and how they could just, you know, summon a vortex didn't seem to make any sense, but neither did calling an asshat a Saint, did it?

And Al shouted,: We are on a Vendetta!

Mainly because he thought it sounded cool.

Havoc: 'any prolonged and bitter feud, rivalry, contention, or the like'?

Ed: I'm going to turn that dictionary into a platypus if you don't shut the hells up with the defining.

-Havoc gets all whiny and tucks his Handi-Dandi notebook away-

Havoc: Well, well, you're just _mean_. –cries on Al's shoulder, and is ignored by Ed-

Ed: Hey, look! In the distance! –points-

Al: Woah. That's a creepy looking place, Ed.

Havoc: -stops crying, rubs eyes- -breaks into song- There's a light…

-a chorus pops up, mainly composed of dead homunculi-: Over at the Frankenstein place…

Havoc: There's a liii-ii-iggght…

Homonculi Choral Group: Burning in the fireplace…

-Ed slaps them all with a raw lobster- Shut up, would you? Jeebus.

Al: Maybe they have a phone we can use. You know, since our car broke down.

Ed: WTF?

Suddenly the pony neighs, and collapses.

Pony: What can I say? I popped a shoe.

Ed: Screw you, Pony, you know that?

Al: Ed, don't insult the Pony. –grabs by the little Edpoint of hair and drags him away to the spooky castle-

-after knocking on door, a hunched-over, drooly, obviously-slightly-zombified Kadaj answers-

Kadaj: Blahblahblah… You've arrived on a rather special night, it's one of the Master's affairs, blahblah… Get the hell in here, we're gonna do the Time Warp.

And suddenly the doors closed behind them, and they were thrust into a room… full of pelvic thrusting! Al went into a corner and cried.

Crowd of Failed Sephiroth Clones: _Let's do the Time Warp again!_

And, with the help of the off-screen instructor, Ed and Havoc found themselves time warping as Alphonse whimpered and petted his in-shock Chemistry Kitty.

And then a Very-In-Drag Sephiroth appeared, followed by a flock of Clouds, each with various defects, such as smoking ears, in French maid dresses. And all three agreed in simultaneous unity that it was time to get out. Now. The Cloud flock shouted in several languages, in which it was hard to tell if they were sad, demanding, or some other emotion entirely. But since C.V. doesn't actually know how to say 'Come back!' in any language other than English, it didn't quite work to type that in this script.

However, by that time, Ed, Al, and Havoc were already gone away. Ed had transmuted a zeppelin, but it must've been a lead zeppelin, because it started for the ground pretty damn quick.

After being angry for approximately thirty-six minutes and three-point-five seconds, Havoc had the bright idea of staying at an inn for the night. Everyone agreed with the idea.

Havoc: It kind of sucks, though, because we're off the main highway.

Ed: Yeah… and I could've sworn the highway used to run here, too. They must've moved it.

So they stumbled upon a motel, the name of which just happened to start with a 'B' and end in 'ates Motel'. But none of them had seen the movie, so they didn't get the reference. They didn't even find the creepy stuffed birds or immense eating of candy corn suspicious.

And, I mean, it was kind of creepy when a guy in a wig tried to stab Alphonse while he was taking a shower, and the chocolate syrup next to the shampoo was kind of odd, too, but other than that, it was a restful night's sleep, and so the crew awoke the next morning, relaxed, and refreshed.

Ed: Hey… what were we doing again?

Havoc: -le yawn- We were doing something?

Ed: Yeah! Yeah, we were!

Havoc: Oh. Well, crap, then. Let's think! –pulls out Handi-Dandi notebook- Now, you think. I'm going to draw pictures of cups and stuff.

_-To Be continued._

_Review, because it's been a while._


End file.
